ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't deserve a penis
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
