I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
