We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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