Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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