Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
