She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
