A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
