is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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