he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
