I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
