And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
