hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
