Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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