I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
