Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
