I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
