this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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