do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
