How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
