She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
