I could make wine with my vomit
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
