i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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