Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
