I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
