someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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