I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
