It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
