My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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