Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
