He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
