my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
