y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
