its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
