Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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