Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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