I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
