Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
