his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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