The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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