He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
