2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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