how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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