The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
