Yo dont text me then not text me
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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