New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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