420 ftw
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
