I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
