fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
