i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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