yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
only if we run a train.
done.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
